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biggus writes "Well congratulations are in order
Two super heroes have tied the knot
The Invisible Man has just got married
To the Invisible Woman and why not
But I would offer to the happy couple
This note of caution, I would suggest
They avoid at all costs having a brat
Because it will be nothing to look at
"
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21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES [biggus]
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biggus writes "# 1
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
Thanks to a litigious culture, and a legal vulture
Humpty Dumpty made a big score
# 2
It's raining, it's pouring;
Politicians are snoring.
They had their chance
To save the world
Now we’re screwed by global warming
# 3
Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair;
Said Simple Simon to the pie man "what have you got there?"
Said the pie man to Simple Simon "what do you expect me to have?"
“I’m the pie man so I’ve got pies you dozy chav”
# 4
Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
Kissed the girls but didn’t know why.
When the boys came out to play
He had more fun because he was gay
# 5
Mary Mary quite contrary,
How has your garden thrived?
With fertilizers and chemicals?
Or is it genetically modified?
# 6
Little Bo peep has lost her sheep
And doesn't know where to find them.
She didn’t know about the foot and mouth
Or that the farmer had to burn them
# 7
I had a little hen,
The prettiest ever seen,
Which happily made
For such versatile cuisine
# 8
Little Jack Horner sat in the corner
Of a fashionable eatery
When his food arrived in its design contrived
He said “What’s this supposed to be?”
# 9
Wee Willie Winkie runs through the town,
Upstairs and downstairs in his nightgown,
The silly man would have looked better
If he waited till the warmer weather
# 10
Peter, Peter pumpkin eater,
Had a wife and couldn't keep her!
She slipped through his fingers like sand
So he ordered another one from Thailand
# 11
This little piggy has an ASBO
This little piggy’s in prison,
This little piggy was a car thief
This little piggy’s on the run
And this little piggy went...
"!£&&*!!!$" the anti social little bastard
"
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TITTER YE NOT AMY [biggus]
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biggus writes "The pop diva Amy Winehouse
It was announced in the press today
May stay in Frankie Howerd’s old house
if Amy’s Mum manages to get her way
Her mum told her she has to go to rehab
But Amy said nay, nay and thrice nay
"
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MY COOKIE LAMENT [biggus]
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biggus writes "Oh what a pleasure they represent
Such sinful pleasure I’ll not repent
Whether foreign fare of strange accent
Or posh ones made for lady and gent
Or those down the bargain basement
Even with broken ones I am content
But I must cease those moments spent
Devouring the cookies heaven sent
And sing loud my sad cookie lament
Of a man left alone in his torment
For as the treat that they represent
I have given cookies up for lent
"
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THE NAKED TRUTH (1) [biggus]
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biggus writes "Mary stood naked before the bathroom mirror
And wiped the steam away so she could see clearer
Then her heart sank at what she could see
She said to her husband "I’m fat and I’m ugly”
“I look horrible; pay me a compliment" she sighed
"You have perfect eyesight" He replied
"
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